Gratitude is my Super-Power

I belive that nothing helps more then your own exemple, so...that`s why I try to give you parts from my life and heart, hoping that I may inspire you with something. Or at least, give you courage or, why not...HOPE. 

 

Today I tell you why Gratitude is my Super-Power. 

 

The secret is to focus on what you have, not on what you miss and dont have.

 

When I was a child, we ware poor and I didnt had warm watter and heat. So I stayd there dressed well and with a blanket over me and washed myself with cold freezing water. And I hated! I hated sooo much!

 

I hated our apartment where everything was broken, where my parents didnt understand well and they argue all day, my mom was crazy (literally), that apartment where in the winter I was freezing and I had to shower with that fucking cold water. 

 

Until one day, when it hits me and I was thinking: "Well.....maybe I have cold water, but you know what? some people dont have that! some people dont have water at all! 

Okay...maybe this house is not arranged and has broken walls ad looks ugly, but....some people dont have a place where to sleep without feeling the wind at winter. Here is cold, that`s true...but I have a flufly blanket and some walls. 

So....I could be more thankfull that I can drink water and wash myself, even if it`s cold"

 

From that moment, I started to concentrate on what I can do to change some things, but in the same time....to focus on what I already have right there, right now! 

 

Washing myself with gratitude was the moment when the water it seemed more warm to me. Or at least, my heart was. And I imagined every day....how I will have the opportunity in the future to take a hot shower and have a warm room where I can sleep comfortable. But i used that imagination only to keep some hope...then I let it go and focus again on how lucky I was to be healthy and alive. 

 

When I was 13 years old I was very frustrated because I didnt had a schoolbag. I wished so bad to have a satchel and be dressed more nicelly, so my colleagues dont longer laugh at me because I`m poor...and ugly (I was thinking at that time). 

 

And then, at my 13, I was staying in the store and wanted so bad a biscuit to eat, but didnt had money. In that moment I must addmit, i wasnt thankfull, I was angry, but I promised to myself this:

"In this life, I will have money to buy myself one million biscuits. And I will have heat and warm fucking watter! And a schoolbag! and jeans! And I will renovate the apartment of my parents. I swear to myself, I will do this and I will start from NOW!" 

 

So, after I though this, I was looking for options. And I was talking to my teachers at school to give me a job. I said I can cook, wash dishes, clean their house, anything...for some money. 

 

I was 13 years old when I had my first job.

 

I was cleaning the house for a teacher and I was extremelly happy to have that broom in my hands, knowing that I have the opportunity to do something for my life. 

 

I was grateful, yes. Every time I was cleaning that house I felt so much gratitude that I cant even explain now!

 

With my first money, I bought to myself a schoolbag and a biscuit! 

The next month, I was paying the electricity, because we didnt had light at home bc of unpaying bills. Problem solved! 

I was thinking to save some money every month, to reinvest and think what I can do in plus, for some extra cash.

 

Durring the day I was studying at the school. When the study was over, I was running to my cleaning job and durring the night...I was drawing the plan for my dreams to come true.

 

And then I found another opportunity: I always knew that I`m talented at writing and I have a creative spirit. So I wrote poetry and sell it at the boys from my school. So older boys then me, bought my poems to give them to the girls they liked. hihi! 

 

In one year of cleaning job and writing poetry and seeling it,  I saved some money and I  afford to buy a computer. Then I started to make CD/DVD-s with music and movies and sell them. It was summer so I was thinking to move fast, until the winter is not there. 

 

I was 14 years old, and was Autumn (my favorite season) and then, in 12 October, I had my first serious and most important investment of my life:  ELECTRIC HEAT at my home! I was taking a loooong hot bath with tears of joy in my eyes. 

 

The next 2 years I learned french and italian and at 16 years old I helped my french teacher with some translations, in exchange of money. In that period of time, durring the day I had school (I quited my cleaning job) and durring the night I was translating documents and sometimes books. I earned a lot in that period, so since I am 16 years I afford to help my parents with everything, because they got sick so couldnt work anymore. I still help them.

 

At 16, I renovated our apartment, I bought new furniture and reinvest some money in a better computer. Over the night, I stayed at the table in the kitcken of my parents and I kept writing how I want my life to be and drawing my own place, my own succes (or at least what succes meant to me)

 

And at 18 years old I moved alone because I wanted my own place where I can live, work and be comfortable with. I started to earn a lot more and have many creative project where I was involved. 

 

I had many ideas of making money but the most important thing for me was to not make any compromise, so I took only the things, ideas and jobs that make me feel creative, happy, alive.

 

Even this day, I dont work at a project if I dont feel to. Only money dont motivates me, but the work, the people I could serve, the creative mind of mine I could use, the life I feel when I`m doing something valuable....that`s something I can not live without. 

 

The magic thing is that....

 

4 years ago when I was visiting my parents, my father gave to me some old journales and papers where I draw and wrote stuff....and then I remembered all the nights when I was staying there, right at that table and only dreaming that someday I will have a warm room, hot water, biscuits, jeans...and a place of my own.

 

And I was thinking with respect, gratitude and joy...at that moments who brought me here.

 

I was thinking with respect and gratitude at that litlle girl who had the responsability and courage to change something. But not by anger, but started with a grateful heart!

 

And I was feeling thankful, lucky and a litlle melancholic....knowing that....those moments was uniques and I never will live them again (not in a negative way i said this)....those moments when I stayed at the table and worked so hard was  my first times working and I never will have that first time and same situation again, it`s normal that. And this made me more aware of importance of present moment and why I should be happy and present at this moment. It`s unique! It`s the only thing I have, It`s important! It`s the first and the last time when I live this moment. Now...it`s the first time when I write this article, with this mood, in this time and this me. And the last one. We`ll be other nice times too, but it`s important to me to be present at this moment. WIth gratitude. It really is a power. 

 

And even today, I`m happy with tears of joy when I feel the warm in my room and I wash myself with hot water....and....never bought 1 milion biscuits, but I always have one in my bag. Just to remember....how I started! 

 

And when you take a step towards life....The life take 10 steps towards you!

 

How I decided over the years to become therapist and how many changes was in my life...I tell you another time, because now I`m working for you at a document about depression and stuff...

 

But for moment I want to tell you this:  We take many things for granted. But to have hot water and a warm room, to be capable to walk, to hug and to work....they are not small things!

 

I really belive that for a better life we must work for what we want. But in the same time, we must appreciate the things we already have. Because no matter how bad our situation can be...ALWAYS we still have something. Even if that thing is only that we can breath, it`s something BIG! 

 

Dont underestimate that "small" something. Even if seems to litlle, it`s not. It`s a starting point. Maybe a big one! So enjoy the place where you are now, because it`s the first time and the last one...when you will be right here and right now, right like this, with this mood, ideas, etc. it`s a moment that you can remember dearlly later. 

 

Why gratitude is my super power? Because even If I lose everything, I still can be thankful....Because I am alive and I have this big opportunity to experience what life means. From that starting point, even If a lose everything,  I always can start over.

 

Hugs ❤

 

 

Questions and answers of September

What do you love the most?

 

Life. Being alive it`s the biggest opportunity. So I love everything that has life in it. People, The rain....all nature, animals, my favorite objects (laptop, a table that I love, some angels statue), books, running (I finished a marathon lol). I simply love life.

 

Did you fall in love with a member on Chaturbate?

 

I dont belive in falling in love, because love has nothing to do with falling. In falling in love kind of situation, we project on the other what we want to see and we make a lot of scenario`s, without being present for real at the other and see him well. I dont want movies, I love reality, so If I love someone....I love him because I know and I feel all the good and the bad about him. Show me your darkness and I`ll love you more. 

I love some members from Chaturbate. I have some guys with I talk a lot on KIK or twitter and on this site I found many cool and kind men. 

 

Where are you from?

 

I dont want to share my location. If I tell you from where I am, means that I trust you and we exchanged some words before, so I can be more open. And anyway...why it`s so important? Fuck it! We all live in this world, let`s make it fun and friendlly. The world I mean 

 

Do you like being a camgirl on Chaturbate?

 

I LOVE IT! I wish I could have more time to enjoy it more, but I will find a solution to that. I like very much being on cam, even if sometimes I m being so shy that I`m frozen in front of the cam and I cant do nothing. But I get over it and I try to be more comfortable. It`s not easy for me, but I love it! I have some good ideas, but I need some courage and confidence to apply them. I`m on my way!

 

Thank you all! Love ya!

 

 

Q & A of August

Are you always happy?

 

This is the most common question I`ve received on Chaturbate, because people can always see me smiling and laughing ...or you can see me feeling good while I play with myself. But maybe then I`m smiling too lol.

 

No, I`m not always happy, but I`m always thankful for what I have. Feeling gratitude for what I have, not being sad for what I have not....give me that super power! To be content with my life. 

That doesn not mean that I dont work for more or I dont have desires. But I`m not conditioning my happyness to any external goal. If I wake up and I breath, then I`m alive. That means that I have a reason to be happy

 

Are you bisexual?

 

No, I dont think so. Not yet at least lol. But I love women, because they are my sisters. 

I`m not attracted to women, even If I had a sexual experience with one woman and one man. But it felt more like a cooperation and a good vibe for both of us, knowing that we share the man we love. I cant explain the feeling when you`re not in competition with a woman, but it feels like MAGIC. I have the very specific feeling that we are as one. And maybe we are, at some level. 

 

Are you single?

 

No, I`m married. An open marriage based on friendship, truth and freedom. That`s true love for me

 

Do you enjoy your time on cam?

 

Yes, sure! If I`m online, means that I`m enjoying being there. I dont make any compromises in my life because I belive that I have to live a life that`s worth it. For this, I`m doing always only what I feel and want to

 

What get`s you angry on Chaturbate?

 

Oh! Requests. Demands are a turn off for me because first of all, I`m a shy person. Then, I cant fake. If you tell me "Show pussy" and I dont feel to show it right then, I cant fake that I`m sooooo glad to show my pussy. I`m not! So I preffer to be authentic. I will show many things and parts of myself when I want to, Ihave the vibe for it...I go with the flow, no with the demands. 

 

Anyway, I received some requests that are kind and nice because I feel the person behind them...and at those, I`m more then happy to respond. 

That means that when you request something...I can feel if you are a jerk who things that the whole world is about him...or you`re just curious and ask me something in a vulnerable way. 

 

How is to be a psychologist....but in your free time to be a camgirl?

 

Is great. Because I`m more then a psychologist, writer or a camgirl. I`m a human. And I express myself in many ways. 

And by the way, on Chaturbate I had privates with the best therapies sessions of all the time. 

Because on cam, we are all more vulnerable. We are naked, so even if we wear some "masks" , the naked body dont let us to lie to much. I loved all my privates and I`m gratefull for those who open their heart for me and told me their problems. 

 

Are you on Chaturbate for money?

 

I am there for money too, but it`s not the most important part of my camming. I cant forget the love I have for people. So I`m there for people, for myself and my orgasms, I`m there because I want to share some parts of myself, even if I choose to play, dance, cum...or talk. And somehow....tokens comes when it`s time to come (or cum?) and when someone appreciate what I`m doing and they want to encourage me....they tip me. And I`m gratefull. But even if it`s not happening and you dont tip me, that`s fine too. 

 

What`s the most shameful moment you had?

 

I have many moments like this. When someone tell me I`m beautiful. All my life I considered myself pretty...ok, but not beautiful. I had many complex regarding my body, my face, etc...after some time I forgot about them because I was to focus to offer something to the world I live in, so I didnt care if I`m ugly or beautiful. I know I`m smart and I get used to it lol. But when someone tells me I`m beautiful...I dont know how to react. I dont know If a have to smile or I can cry or I will hide myself under the desk. This site gave me a great opportunity to see those things of myself and to exceed my limits. Sometimes is hard...BUT I LOVE IT!

 

Are you faking orgasms?

 

Never. Nor in real life, nor on cam. I care to much about my body and my life to fake something. 

 

 

 

About me - short version

 
My name is Monica (my second prenom) and I love the Moon,
the only star that makes me feel beautiful, just by its existence on the sky
So that`s why I choose the nickname MoonIca.
 
I was born in Europe
I don’t speak or write English very correct, so be indulgent with me
I have a lot to offer, so I will not let my laguage mistakes to stop me.

I do not believe in labels, decorations, and trophies,

so I could not describe myself, except for my main values (principles) ​​that I follow in my life: Love (people and life), Play and Humor.

 

     I went through a heavy childhood, I was raped,  then I had a depression,

I lived with panic attacks for a while and I was in the bottom of hell, alone. I've cured myself and I found so much peace at the end of a hard road...

       And now I'm here to tell you that it`s possible to be happy and that life is beautiful and worth living.

 

I will share my experience and some of my life stories here in my articles.

 

I work as a therapist, writer, comediant and…CamGirl on Chaturbate.

Those are all labels for me, because do not define who I am,

but are part of my life because all these activities means a lot to me

and giving me acces to my values: the love for people, a playfull, creative spirit and humor.

 

I think that what you are is what you are…EVERYWHERE. So you leave a mark in people`s lives no matter where you are. Real important is WHAT YOU DO…and WHY you do it? 

 

I choose to be a CamGirl for many resons:

 

 ❤It was a challenge for me to stay in the front of the camera. Yeah, I was shy. I am shy, but I got used to it and I try to show myself as I am.

 ❤ I love people. And I belive that you can find nice people everywhere. On Chaturbate I found some cool, nice, genuine people. I`m grateful for that. 

 ❤ The last, but not least, I choose to be a model for some extra-money. 

 

What Can I do on cam?

t

Depends. Sometimes I sing…or I just talk (or write), sometimes I dance, I tease you and sometimes I masturbate. I try to be more comfortable with being on cam to be possible for me to give you the best I can. I`m on my way! Not there allready, but I want to become more confident and give you more of what I am.

 

I don’t make compromises in life and I always do only what I want and what is good for me. That`s the way I honor the life and my soul.

 

On this blog I will write theories that can help you have a better life, but I will write my story too. Also, I have big plans with this page…but it`s a surprise, so…one thing at a time.

 

My mission is divided into two related objectives:

 ❤I want to help people become more aware of their lives and about tricks of their minds in order to live a correct, fulfilled, meaningful and happy life. It`s not easy, but it`s worth it!

 ❤ By any difficulty you`r going through now, I want you to know that there`s at lease two solutions. We must only find a way to relax the mind and find them. 

 

And even if the road is difficult and sometimes you may have a hard time, I wish that you  know that you`re not alone

 

Here is the place where you can feel safe.

Because we are together!

 

hugs! ❤

 

With love

Moonica